Mastering Thanks-Receiving: Why It's Tough & 6 Ways to Improve

Receiving Thanks Can Be Challenging

Introduction: The Complexity of Gratitude and Recognition for Christians

In Christianity, gratitude is a deeply rooted spiritual practice. But to whom do we express gratitude? Of course, we are ever thankful to the Lord Jesus Christ, but are we not also to be grateful for the kindness of other humans? Certainly.

Let's look at this from a different perspective. How should a believer respond when someone expresses gratitude to them? Receiving the thanks of others can be tricky because believers must align receiving gratitude with humility—a core Christian value.

Receiving thanks is not as important as being thankful, but receiving thanks matters. Being appreciated by others influences our mental health because it produces positive emotions and supports relationships. 

Read my blog on Embracing Thanks - Three Ideas in Psalms 

What's our Problem with Receiving Thanks?

When someone expresses appreciation, it should create a sense of validation, increase self-esteem, and reinforce positive actions. Such acknowledgment is powerful because it affirms your contribution. You feel valued and connected to others.

Despite these benefits, several barriers can prevent individuals from fully accepting thanks.

• Cultural norms.
• Personal insecurities cause compliments to be downplayed.
• Not understanding the value others receive by saying "Thanks."
• I'm humble.
• Self-doubt. I don't deserve words of appreciation.

Recognizing these barriers is crucial for creating a setting where gratitude is offered and received freely. In Romans 16, Paul expresses appreciation to 28 people, most of whom he'd never met.

Put yourself in first-century Rome.

• To what degree might Paul's words have created a greater appreciation of each other among the believers?
• Did Paul’s appreciation cause them to see each other in a different light?
• How do you suppose it impacted the saints of Rome when finally Paul came to their city?

Not only do we need to be thankful, but we must also overcome these hindrances and become capable of receiving gratitude.'

The Role of Personal Insecurities and Self-Worth in Accepting Thanks

Your sense of personal insecurity and self-worth affects how you process a sincere "thank you." Those with low self-esteem struggle to accept praise because they question being worthy of such honor.

Thus, they are prevented from acknowledging or enjoying expressions of thanks. Accepting gratitude is inconsistent with their deeply ingrained beliefs about their value. What do they do?

• Dismiss compliments
• Downplay achievements
• Attribute success to factors other than personal effort.

The inability to thanks-receive can reinforce negative self-perceptions. It is as though an inner war exists. Do I accept a “thank you” or push it away because I know complete self while this other person does not? If they knew me, they would not say “thank you” or even talk to me.

It is wise to understand that every person is a mess under such a microscope.

In some churches, humility is so highly valued (and misunderstood) that people shy away from accepting praise for fear of seeming arrogant or boastful.

Do you meet sincere appreciation with resistance or acceptance? Encouraging open conversations about self-worth and cultivating a church environment where people feel safe acknowledging their strengths is healthy.

Consider Paul's words:

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think . . . (Romans 12:3)

Paul did not say to be blind to your strengths, talents, and abilities. Instead, don't inflate who you are.

When you use your ability for God's work, and someone says, "Thank you for repairing the plumbing," it is ok to say, "You are welcome." Accepting thanks is mature.

Six Tips for Improving Your Ability to Thanks Receive 

1. Practice Being Mindful - Being fully present when someone expresses gratitude allows you to receive, genuinely acknowledge, and appreciate their words. Mindfulness helps you focus on the moment, making accepting appreciation without deflection or discomfort easier.
2. Reflect on Personal Achievements - Regularly acknowledge your accomplishments and strengths. Building self-acceptance starts with recognizing your worth in Christ and valuing your contributions, making it easier to accept praise from others.
3. Practice Self-Compassion Treat yourself with the kindness you would offer a friend who receives praise. Accepting appreciation is not about vanity but acknowledging positive interactions. Days ago, I told a younger pastor, "Quit being so hard on yourself." 
4. Engage in Active Listening - When someone appreciates something you've done, listen carefully without interrupting or minimizing their words. Responding with a simple "thank you" shows respect for their sentiments and reinforces positive communication patterns.
5.  Seek Feedback Constructively - Encourage feedback from others as an opportunity for growth rather than to seek validation; this mindset shift can help normalize receiving compliments as part of personal growth rather than seeking approval. 
6. Reframe Negative Thoughts - Challenge any negative beliefs that make accepting appreciation difficult by questioning their validity; replace these thoughts with affirmations that reinforce your value within various contexts where acknowledgment occurs regularly (church, community, work).

Conclusion: Accepting the gratitude of others is a powerful way to promote personal growth. It cultivates a more optimistic outlook and reinforces bonds with those around us.