Pastoring Difficult People - Narcissists and Manipulators

You can pastor difficult people, but it is well - difficult. Why learn this stuff? How well you learn to deal with difficult people either expands or limits how many people you can influence. 

Pastoring a Machiavellian Manipulator

Remember Christ's instruction regarding the wheat and tares. When tares are mishandled it damages wheat. Not knowing the proper way to deal with manipulators guarantees you losing good people who are not the least bit manipulative. However, beneath they surface they are connected with those who are tares. Few people are born knowing how to deal with difficult people. Instead, it is learned behavior. Behavior, you can learn. 

Reading Pastoring a Manipulator will transform your approach to dealing with manipulative individuals. From jealousy and betrayal, to deceit and being the puppet master, this book provides insights on how to navigate complex relationships and build trust.

Say goodbye to frustration and resentment over the treachery of manipulators. You will learn how to identify manipulators and what to do to protect others (and yourself) from the harm they can do. It won't ever be easy to deal with such people, but going into situations understanding what you are dealing with and how you will respond produces confidence.

A favorite chapter among those who did some editing and review is the chapter dealing with, "People are Saying." Pastors, if you want to grow a church, this book is a must-read.

Pastoring a Narcissist

Narcissistic people drive a leader crazy. Psychology Today called such people Crazy Makers. What a wonderfully descriptive name. 

They are one of three groups in the Dark Triad. And you pastor narcissistic people, manipulative people and yes, at least one or two sociopaths/psychopaths. 

• Narcissists hurt people you care about.
• Narcissists turn God’s work into a competition, where they defend their bit of turf. 
• Narcissists can fool you - they make an excellent first impression. 
• Narcissists are about one thing - and it is not Jesus, His church or supporting you. They live to win, even if they must cheat to win. 

This book only addresses dealing with narcissists from a pastoral perspective. It identifies some of the more common traits of narcissists and looks at some Biblical characters through the lens of narcissism. 

1. Lucifer, leading a revolt against the Creator of the Universe. Why? Narcissism. Lucifer lost heaven because of his narcissism. Listen to His words:  I will ascend . . . , i will exalt . . . I will be like the most high. In the Lord’s way of doing business - the narcissist cannot be allowed to prevail. 
2. King Saul became focused on how events impacted him, and him alone. He ignored the needs of those he led. Became so insecure about David that he spent his energy doing little except trying to destroy David. A bit of attention unleashed Saul’s narcissistic tendencies.
3. Diotrephes loves to have the preeminence . . ., (3 John 1:9). Was Diotrephes interested in the well-being of others? How could we think he was when he refused to allow them to be influenced by the Apostle John. 

In each case of narcissism there was also a response taken. In Pastoring Narcissists in the Dark Triad, suggested solutions are provided. They are not quick fixes, nor are they always easy. And there are times when what has worked for me won’t work for someone else. But if you deal with people as a pastor, a department head or even a corporate leader this book will help. 

The book addresses what behavior will tip you off to the type person you are dealing with, and provides the step-by-step approach I've taken in dealing with narcissists.